How to do your Laundry (aka Take the Funk out of your Punk clothing)

Introduction

Your friends won’t stand near you at the punk shows, you have worn your that same t-shirt for a month now, and your dog won’t even go for walks with you. It is time to do your laundry.

The following offers tips and suggestions on doing your wash. Funk is meant for listening, not worn.

Get it together

1. Yeah, detergent doesn’t come free with the experience; you have to buy it. The world is split into two kinds of people: those who use liquid, and those who use powder. I prefer liquid because it is less messy; yet it is more expensive, so that means less money to buy pants and jeans.
   


2. Bleach. Yes, it is a great Nirvana album; but it also is a cleaning product to use on whites. Only use it with whites. Don’t blame me when your Misfits hoodie gets ruined- I warned you.
   


3. Fabric softener is not just to be used on girls clothing. Guys can be tough while wearing soft clothing. It’s okay, it makes you more versatile of a person. I would go with the dryer sheets, rather than the liquid form though. Added suggestion: Dryer sheets are good to use in your cars as a freshener.
   


4. Johnny Cash roughed it and used an empty keg for his laundry basket, but he was tough, you might think it is easier to use a basket.
   

Divide and conquer

1. Whites are basic under shirts – like wifebeaters, white socks, undies, sheets, pillowcases, and the other colorless items you may have jammed in the corner of your room.
   


2. Lights are any garments that have some light coloring like pastel hues, or white with colored patterns or stripes.
   


3. You’re punk, so you have dark clothing; they are also grouped together. Dark socks, underwear, skirts, and dark colored pants go together. Some dark garments are best left hand washed. The best way to determine is to sink the garment in the sink. If the color does not bleed into the water a lot, then it is okay for the wash.
   


4. Any wool, satin, or other variety of super-soft material is labeled as a delicate item. These are better left hand washed. Most dresses and jackets should be professionally cleaned.
   

All washed up

1. Pre-treat any visible stains before placing garments in the wash. You can use the liquid detergent, or go above and beyond, and purchase a stain removal product. Rub the detergent into the stain and throw it in with your shorts and other items.
   


2. If the machine you are using does not have a detergent dispenser, you have to put the detergent into the machine BEFORE you put in the clothes. These machines are old school; they prefer Led Zeppelin to SlipKnot. Start the cycle, pour the detergent in, wait for the water to get sudsy, and then put in your clothes.
   


3. A new school washer warrants you to simply pour the detergent into the top, and the mixing procedure will be done for you.
   


4. Whites require a “hot” cycle. The cycle gets your whites whiter.
   


5. Lights and darks require “warm” or “permanent press” cycle. The cool water rinse protects the colors from fading.
   


6. Delicates not washed by hand should be machine washed with a “cold” cycle.
   


7. Pay attention to the tags on the clothing. The instructions will never steer you wrong, pay attention to them.
   


8. Never fill the washer more than ½ to ¾ full. If you do, then your clothes will not get properly cleaned. Do not mistreat your punk clothes, it wouldn’t be right.
   

High and Dry

1. Prepare the dryer before drying. It is not a grueling process, just clean out the lint filter. It’s somewhere in there, just look around for it. Don’t rely on your roommate to do it, there’s a better chance of Alice Cooper teaching ballet.
   


2. Add the fabric softener sheets to the dryer.
   


3. While transferring your punk clothes from the washer to the dryer, shake them out to relieve excess water and wrinkles.
   


4. If you had stains in your punk clothes before the wash, see if they were removed. The heat of the dryer will only set them in deeper.
   


5. Just as with the washer, don’t overload the dryer.
   


6. Do not leave your punk clothes in the dryer for too long, unless you want them looking like clothes for the kids.
   

Raise or Fold

1. Immediately begin folding your punk clothes after the dryer is done with them. It will make them less wrinkled.
   


2. Never hang sweaters or other form fitting articles of clothing. The hangar will leave a mark and stretch in the shoulders.
   


3. Always hang button down shirts, garments made of linen, and other synthetic fibers.
   

*Jeans, sweatshirts, and other t-shirts can be folded and put in drawers.
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